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Now That Lent Is Over, Junior Excited to Rail Cocaine off of His Roommate's Ass Again


Photo from Pxhere / CC 0

Now that Lent is over, Jeremy Taft (C ‘20) is excited to return to his old habits feeling fresh and spiritually rejuvenated. With Easter out of the way, he doesn’t have Jesus in his mind, looming over him while he goes back to doing drugs on the bodily surfaces of his roommate. 

When interviewed by UTB, Jeremy said, “No, I wouldn’t consider myself a drug addict. Sure, I really love coke, but it’s not like I need it or anything. Just because I failed all of my assignments, because I wasn’t able to stay up for 36 hours at a time and that lead me into a plunging depression, because my own brain capacity is not sufficient for the work I want to do in this world, doesn’t mean that I need coke to be happy. That’s why I gave it up for Lent.” 

He feels closer to God now that he isn’t railing cocaine off of every flat surface he can find, including his roommate’s ass, which he would often do while his roommate was asleep on the couch. Jeremy said that even without this habit, the two remained close during the month of Lent. 

Great job, Jeremy! We can’t wait to see what coping mechanism you give up next year!