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Living in the Past? This Student Is a Classics Major


Photo (with edits) by Maxpixel / CC0

This is honestly pretty pathetic. Joseph Cane (C '20) is pursuing a major in classical studies because he apparently can't let anything go. Cane was spotted in Van Pelt last weekend checking out the Odyssey and Oedipus Rex among other books that are majorly old news. There's a tidal wave of modern media that hasn't been junking up libraries for the past two millennia, but he just has to work out his mommy issues the way renaissance intellectuals and Baby Boomers did. Sheesh, Joseph — join the 21st century and catfish your mom on Jdate like the rest of us.

It's like he's a hoarder but for knowledge. He just can't let anything go. Plato has been dead even longer than Jesus, and it's not like he has anything to do with how our society functions. Rereading old texts is disrespectful to other humanities students at Penn, too. It's been two weeks since I printed my zine about using Etherium to pay for my virgin lamaze class, and I know for a fact Joseph hasn't even glanced at it. It's time to let go of the past and move the fuck on, man.