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Bleeding Edge Tech! Blackboard and Chalk Ranked Best Way to Teach Course Material


Photo by pxhere / CC0

Once again, Stiteler Hall stands at the forefront of modern education.

In an opinion poll administered last Tuesday, over 90 percent of students chose staring at an old, dusty blackboard in Stiteler as the number one way to learn lecture material, beating out non-Stone-Age technologies such as tablets and personal computers.

“That sleek matte surface… those unkempt chalk scribbles…” college sophomore Julie Jacobs mused, lips fluttering. “It makes me feel like I’m taking a behavioral economics class in Medieval Europe, and that’s dope.”

In addition to its rustic charm, the beloved blackboard has also been praised for its bold and unyielding simplicity.

“It doesn’t require batteries. It doesn’t need a charger. It’s not engaging or interactive in the slightest,” Wharton freshman Xavier Price crooned. “It simply is.”

“Simply looking at that blackboard feeds the imagination,” an anonymous Math 114 student confided. “At some point, you get tired of hopelessly trying to visualize your professor’s hastily drawn triple integrals and instead start mulling over your plot to seduce and marry a dental student, you know?”

In response to the overwhelmingly positive feedback, the University admins have taken it upon themselves to supply each and every lecture hall with a small, dinky blackboard by 2022.

As always, chalk will be available for purchase at the Penn Bookstore.