How to Recover from Having Your Snapchat Camera Flipped the Wrong Way While Taking a Piss at a Urinal
Photo By Sean / CC BY-ND 2.0
September 16, 2019 at 10:45 am
So, you’re in the basement of VP relieving yourself thanks to Michael Zinman’s generous urinal donation. You just chugged an entire Hydro Flask, and your bladder is feeling it. Since you’re gonna be standing there a while, you pull out your phone and open up Snapchat when…
Oh no! Your johnson is on full display for any peeping Tom looking over at your phone! What to do? Hide? Run? Well, you have three good options and we’ll help spell them out for you.
Immediately pause everything you are doing. Stop that flow; don’t blink. Stay perfectly still like you’re just a mannequin of a boy peeing. Science has proven that if you stay perfectly still, people will think you are a statue or an art installation. Once your fellow piss pals finish up and exit the bathroom, you make your move and act like nothing ever happened.
If stopping isn’t an option, you move on to exit strategy #2. Drop. Mid-stream, you drop to the floor and spin 360 degrees, spraying pee everywhere like a sad, modern sprinkler system. Like most people who get caught in a lawn just as the sprinklers turn on, your fellow urinators will run for dear life for the exits. By the time they gather their thoughts, you’re sprinting out of the bathroom never to be seen again. Alternatively, you can also just drop out of school and transfer (this is what I did after freshman year at Pitt).
When all else fails and there’s no escape, there is one last resort option. Sometimes, you just gotta roll. Finish up your business and immediately start rolling out of the bathroom. Roll your way up the VP stairs, through the bag check, and don’t stop until you get home. Running is never an option, but you can always roll. Remember that.
It may seem impossible to ever recover from having your Snapchat camera flipped the wrong way right onto your weiner, but I promise if you follow these steps, you may very well avoid further calamity.