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After BioPond Development, Penn Reaffirms Commitment to Green Space with Marijuana Dispensary


Photo by Seavmeiyin Kun / The Daily Pennsylvanian

In a bold move, the Penn administration has opted to pave over the BioPond, because "nature is gross." After widespread outcry from the student body, the administration has decided to placate protesters by building a marijuana dispensary next to the nice parking lot where the BioPond once stood.

Said Vice Provost for Student Wellness Wendell Pritchett, "We recognize the concerns of the stoner community at Penn. While joy and nature are things that we do not allow on this campus, we are more than willing to allow drug use. With the removal of the BioPond, we recognize that we have victimized countless students on this campus. Although words may never heal the wounds we have inflicted, marijuana will. As such, for the next two months, the Penn Green Dispensary will give students 50 cents off their first purchased gram. What a steal!"

Although he was initially up in arms over the removal of one of the last natural landscapes on this campus, College senior Geoffrey Michaels is now sort of ok with the decision. "Like, I love trees and shit, but, like, while you can't smoke trees, you can smoke that good kush. And honestly, what's the difference between smoking in an abandoned parking lot, and a sad little algae pond? I see no issue here"