'It's Not a Frat House, It's a Frat Home,' Says Freshman with Quasi-Stockholm Syndrome
Photo by drdcuddy / CC BY-SA 2.0
October 7, 2019 at 3:43 am
When new Beta Beta Beta recruit Kevin Staleman (C '20) was asked if he liked his new living situation, he let UTB know he was “perfectly at home.” Staleman informed UTB, “Yea, dudes. I’m just runnin' those laps and drinkin' that piss, you know how it is!”
We did not, in fact, know how it is.
Upon further inquiry into Staleman’s life at home, Staleman replied “I would drink piss for my boys. I have drunk piss for my boys! And I don’t even mean natty lite bro. Piss into my mouth, bro! Do it, bro!”
Fearing the interview was veering in a dangerous direction, we asked if Staleman wanted us to reach out to his family regarding his situation. “You know, at my old house my stepmom literally never told me to drink piss. She never even let me! Now? I can literally drink as much piss as I want, and my boys are 100% behind me on that. I love these guys. They’re my fuckin' brothers for life.”
Told he could blink three times if he was in danger, Staleman instead put on '07-era-Kanye-West shutter shades and proceeded to drop kick a pong table.