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Becka's Dressed as a Spotted Lantern Fly for Halloween, Now Has an Excuse to Get Totally Smashed


Photo by TerriC / Pixabay License

Spotted lanternflies. They are invasive. We all agree that anyone who hasn’t smashed at least 10,000 of those nasty little fucks by now hates the environment, the University of Pennsylvania, and these good United States of America. Perhaps that is why College sophomore Becka Shultz has decided to dress as a spotted lanternfly this Halloween.  

UTB inquired, what type of "smashed" did Shultz hope to be this Halloween? “As many types as possible,” responded Shultz. “Fucked? Great. Intoxicated? Done. I’m literally already drunk and it’s Tuesday because I am that fucking dedicated to this role. Everything I do is for a cause.” But what was that cause exactly? UTB interviewers pressed further.

“I have two motivations,” said Shultz. “First of all, I’m spreading awareness for the cause of the environment or whatever. Fuck. Spotted. Lanternflies.” Shultz clapped between each word. “But more importantly,” added Shultz, “I’m spreading awareness for the cause of this lanternfly pussy. Fuck. Me. Literally. Who. Is. Tryna. Fuck.” 

Despite any implication of insect bestiality, we at UTB see Shultz as nothing less than a politically active and sexually liberated woman and/or insect. She is an icon for all to follow.

Local spotted lanternflies refused to comment on the issue.