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Deeply Misguided Professor Thinks Students Will Finish Book Each Week


Photo by Oregon State University / CC BY-SA 2.0

In an act of deep naivety, Professor McElhanney of the Middle Eastern Studies department has assigned his class a full book to read each week of the semester. Despite some books totaling well over 300 pages, McElhanney is under the false notion that his class can, and will, be reading them.

McElhanney adopted the misguided idea that his students had the time or desire to read a book a week after gaining tenure and forgetting the feeling of stress.

Izzy Zhu, a student in McElhanney's class, was shocked by the audacity of her professor after viewing the syllabus. “I barely gather enough strength to read beyond the titles of New York Times articles. I don’t think this will go well,” she said. “It’s fine though, he’ll never know.”

Reports have confirmed that Professor McElhanney very much knows who hasn’t read the book. “You think I can’t tell that these fuckers don’t read. Five people just piggybacked off one point about how the book was ‘interesting.’ One student just brought up Trump. This book is about colonial Egypt.”

Despite some disappointment that students weren’t devouring the books, he had a troublingly deep emotional connection too. McElhanney admitted he kind of enjoyed the classes where students didn’t read.

“I kind of like watching the chaos of a class discussion,” said McElhanney.