Student Trying to Pick up New Skills Now Mediocre at Everything

Oops! Shawn Merling (C’ 21) didn’t see this one coming. After three years being at the top of the English major, Merling thought it was time to try something new. “I didn’t want things to get stale, you know?" he explained. "Thought it was too early to pick one thing and just be good at that.”

Over the last few months, Merling reported that he had attempted a wide variety of new hobbies, ranging from zip-lining to bowling. “Nothing really stuck,” he sighed, “and now I’m broke.”

What’s worse, Merling’s friends report a noticeable drop in his academic competence. “It’s stunning,” noted an anonymous source, “He was the star. Now he barely musters average. Have fun with applications, kid.”