BREAKING: You Are Now Breathing Manually
October 23, 2019 at 5:55 pm
Oh, man. This must really suck. You were just scrolling down your Facebook timeline trying to kill time and now, all of a sudden, you can't stop thinking about your breathing. You are now responsible for this vital and (usually) subconscious process, and you're hating every second of it. It's ok, we've all been there. Of course, it could always be worse. You are now blinking manually, too.
Ouch — that was a low blow. I really shouldn't have done that twice. Not the nicest thing I've ever done, for sure. Blinking and breathing are pretty important bodily functions and you are, for the next few minutes, entirely responsible for them. Yikes! As if that weren't bad enough, you're now aware that you can always see your nose in your peripheral vision, and that every time you swallow you hear a little crackle in your ears. You're now itching somewhere, too.
Lucky for you, there's not really much else I can say here. I could, of course, point out that there's not really any comfortable spot in your mouth for your tongue, or that your jaw has weight and you usually subconsciously hold it closed, but I wouldn't do that to you. That would really be too much. Uncross your legs, please.
Anyways, Baby Shark is now playing in your head, and you just lost the game.