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History Department Rebrands to Ancient Alien Focus


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Last Friday, the History Department revealed plans to rebrand for next semester. Following in the footsteps of the History Channel, the department is moving away from the study of white, European men to a purely ancient alien focus.

Department Chair Mark DeClarin announced the surprise move from the bottom steps of the Pyramids at Giza.

“For too long we have limited the scope of our major to purely historical, factual events,” the chair said. “It’s time we address the elephant in the room. Who the hell built these pyramids and why?

New courses are already being added to the 2020 Spring roster. HIST-235, The Interdisciplinary Roots of Extraterrestrialism, is one such course. Esteemed Professor Dick Strombom is teaching the intimate seminar.

“Last semester I was doing groundbreaking research on Penn’s role in the transatlantic slave trade,” Strombom told us. “Next semester I will be exploring the role that LSD-using aliens had in developing world religions. Apparently the ratings will be much better.”

While most of the department will be hunting for evidence of ancient astronauts, there will still be more specific concentrations available to undergraduates. These include Swamp Studies, American Pawning, Hitler Hunting, and Paranormal Praxis.