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All of the Places on Campus You Can Get a Milkshake in Secret

Photo (with edits) by Adam First / The Daily Pennsylvanian

The recent closure of Bobby’s Burger Palace has left many students perplexed with a complex issue. Where can they go to drown their weekly sorrows in large, chilled, probably overpriced milkshakes? 

Students of the “Penn Students Who Love or Appreciate Milkshakes and Other Ice Cream Based Beverages Social Group,” otherwise known as PSWLOAMAOICBBSG for short, no longer feel that their passion can be shared in the open anymore. Many have resorted to prohibition techniques not seen since the 1920’s. They need a new spot to…chill out…and enjoy a nice moment with their liquid ice cream. Well lucky for you, PSWLOAMAOICBBSG, Under the Button has got you covered with the best places to enjoy a milkshake on campus in secret. 

1. Greek Lady

Ah yes, the old hide in plain sight technique. While Greek Lady may be a half diner half place that serves literally every food ever for some odd reason, few have caught on to the fact that they happen to serve a variety of milkshakes as well. Just go to the counter and say, “I’d like a chicken plate with no sides, I’m saving room for...dessert,” and Dan at the register will know what to do.

2. Abners

Surprisingly yes, actually Abners. While the old-fashioned cheesesteak place is on a block that may soon mutate into a shiny new building, in the meantime you can head inside and treat yourself to a milkshake. Plus, not many students even remember this place exists. Total anonymity for secretive milkshake drinking! 

Numbers 3-27. Shhh, it’s a secret…

Sorry folks! Have to be a member of PSWLOAMAOICBBSG to be able to enjoy a malted milk smoothie at one of these locations. 

Even if you’re only a novice milkshake drinker, it’s important to remember the basics before advancing to professional secretive milkshake drinking. Number one, ditch the cup. When questioned, answer with a sample reply such as “What’s in this to go container you ask? Why it’s clearly an omelet of course. You know, it’s just a normal, only omelet holding container. I love omelets yes, they’re so omelet and don’t taste like Oreo whatsoever.”

Good luck out there, fellow milkshake drinkers! Remember you’ll always find a family with the good people of PSWLOAMAOICBBSG.