Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

To My Writing Sem. Professor: So, You Didn't like My Fanfic?


Photo (with edits) by: Alec Druggan / Daily Pennsylvanian 

Not everyone can have taste, but I do, and you should recognize that. So what if I “didn’t understand the assignment” or “failed atrociously” in my rhetoric? I can see the wet spots by your collar; I can see the vague lines down your cheeks of dried tears, but sure, give me that F. I know for a fact you weren’t crying out of disappointment. I moved you. Admit it.

Sure, I didn’t read Goffman’s The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life but I’m sure you didn’t either. Where was the romance? The suspense? What’s the point of reading something that doesn’t even have one sex scene at the very least? Stop acting as if you wanted to read an outline of this book. It’s obvious you didn’t. You actually want to travel to New York and be a Broadway actor. Look, I get it. I get that.

That’s why I wrote this fanfiction. I think that my college alternative universe fanfiction of Naruto and Walt Whitman is exactly what an aspiring artist like you appreciates. Tell me the truth, what did you think when Naruto reached for Whitman’s hand? Did you think the pacing was too fast? And that scene where Naruto ran into the field, shouting for Whitman to score that goal and bring glory back to the University of Pennsylvania after defeat from Yale? Tell me, did it move you? Maybe I’m wrong, but something tells me it did. 

Get back to me and change my grade.