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Desire to Do Work Overpowered by 15th Sorting Algorithm Video of Night


Screenshot by Ian Ong

It just can’t be helped. Last night, Rick Shepard’s (E ‘22) plans to study and finish his homework were foiled yet again by a sorting algorithm video on Youtube.

Shepard, who currently has seven assigned readings, three problem sets, and an essay sitting on the back-burner, could not take his eyes away from the mesmerizing movement of white bars as they magically sorted themselves from low to high.

“Merge sort is the most satisfying thing I’ve ever seen,” Shepard muttered as the video flashed and flickered against a backdrop of R2-D2 noises. “Honestly, this stuff is like crack.”

For Shepard, late-night sorting algorithms provide a convenient distraction from the fact that the academic walls of Penn are slowly yet surely closing in on him.

“Ehh… I’ll get to it tomorrow,” Shepard said, tossing his physics textbook aside as bubble sort continued to wreak havoc on the screen in front of him. “Oh baby, just look at that n-squared time complexity.”

Although Shepard could be doing literally anything else with his life right now, he shows no signs of closing Youtube anytime soon.

“Sometimes, I wish I could use quicksort to sort my life out,” Shepard whispered with watery eyes before quickly pulling himself together and moving his mouse over to the subscribe button.