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Frat Innovates Sticky Floorboards into Human Glue-Trap


Photo by del burgeur / CC BY 2.0

After years of experimenting with different ratios of alcohol, sugar, cocaine, and other white substances, the members of Omega Tau have succeeded in making the world’s strongest glue-trap for humans.

In a fashion similar to a glue-trap for rats and mosquitoes, Omega Tau’s new innovation will be able to glue-trap full-sized humans.

“We have spent years refining our mixture, experimenting by adding ingredients to our floorboards,” said Chad Dang, the leader of the Omega Tau human glue-trap project. “Our current formula is the strongest any industry has seen. People step on the floorboards, and they are stuck there forever. They never leave.”

The ingredients of their formula purportedly include many different types of alcohol, sugar, cocaine, human secretions, and other substances.

“We’re not even sure what else is in the formula,” said Dang, his feet and hands plastered to the floorboards. “But look, it works very nicely.”

Their invention has been applauded by the Penn community. 

“I'm very proud of the members of Omega Tau,” said Kijay Vumar, the Dean of Engineering. “They have upheld Penn Engineering’s reputation of being at the forefront of technological development, benefiting all of humanity. I hope their invention can be used in great applications, like border control.”