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Please Do Not Contact Me. I Am Taking a Long, Sensual Bath in the Kelly Writers House Bathroom.


Photo by Claire Huffman / The Daily Pennsylvanian

Hey there! Quick update. I’m actually taking a break from social media. Well, not just social media. All forms of outside contact, actually. I won’t be checking my texts — I’ve gone off the grid. Why? That’s a good question. It’s because I am taking a long sensual bath in the Kelly Writers House bathroom. That’s right, the one on the second floor. Where the bathtub is.

I’ve had a long day. I had to deal with the stress of emailing my professors to tell them I wasn’t going to be in class today. In addition, I had to receive multiple emails from multiple accounts. I’m just one person. That’s too much for me to handle. So I need to unwind.

Which brings me to this bath — this long, sensual, intimate soak — is really important right now. It’s my panacea. The water? Steamy. The atmosphere? Spacious and literary. The aroma? Lavender, sage, and canola oil. 

Sure, there’s a Pulitzer Prize-winning writer doing an interview downstairs in the Arts Cafe. I’m sure it’s really interesting. And yeah, Al Filreis has been knocking on the door for the past twenty minutes, asking me to hurry up — there’s a long queue, apparently. Sorry Al, but I can’t hear you above Carly Rae Jepsen’s 2015 pop tour de force E•MO•TION playing at full volume on my iPod Touch. 

This cigarette? Don’t worry, it’s not lit. It’s for the aesthetic, of course! I got it from the DP office, where you can always get a cigarette (if you’re thirsty). I brought some snacks (six unfrosted PopTarts that I frosted myself) because I’ll be in here a while. 

But please, for the love of god, please do not contact me in any way. This is self care, you guys!