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Caroline Curran


Articles

Meet the Under the Button Writer Born in Late 2013

Sydney Gelman sits on a mint green loveseat in her above-ground bunker apartment. Sipping on a Diet Coke, she looks around the apartment with disdain and calls it a “windowless asylum.” Gelman, a writer for Under the Button dot com, has the dubious distinction of being the youngest on staff. 


'I’ve Always Wanted to Try Shrooms,' Says Friend Who Literally Never Will

“Did you see the way the trees were, like, breathing? I really want that to happen to me, too. The scenery was just so pretty.”


BREAKING: Freshman at Dream School Wildly Depressed

She wondered if she had been misled when she visited Penn during spring break in her junior year of high school. “There were people playing frisbee on College Green,” she said. “Their serotonin levels seemed perfectly balanced.”


Quiz: Pothole on Spruce or Meteor Crater?

Is this just a classic case of the freeze-and-thaw cycle on our paved streets or is it Korolev, the famous ice-filled impact crater that's located within the Mare Boreum section of Mars and is a whopping 81.4 kilometers in diameter?


Ditch the Scale This Thanksgiving by Letting Grandma Tell You That You Look like You've Gained Weight

The winter season can be especially tough for dealing with body image — there’s the constant influx of holiday foods, an overload of social obligations, and the stress of family gatherings, just to name a few. But this year, take one thing off your (metaphorical) plate by ditching the scale.


OP-ED: If Student-Athletes Are in Such Good Shape, Why Do They Need to Ride Scooters?

I don’t know much about Penn’s athletics, but I do know that student-athletes are not only students but also they’re athletes. This duality means that they do physical exercise on a regular basis in addition to studying. Logically, then, one might assume that student-athletes are in good shape.


OP-ED: I Don’t Use Handshake Because It Spreads Germs

Handshake calls itself “the largest career community for students and recent grads.” Well, do you know where diseases spread? That’s right — communities. And do you know how they spread? Physical touch.


How to Find the Right Penn Face for Your Face Shape

Depending on your natural features, some Penn Faces will be more flattering on you, and it’s critical that you choose the right one.  Do you see how good everyone else looks? That’s because they’re matching their Penn Face to their face shape, and you’re not. And that’s because they have more friends than you and are more accomplished than you are.


Feminist Hero? This Man Just Said his Female Classmate had 'A Good Point'

“I just wanted her to know I heard what she said, and I was impressed,” Mora said.


How to Adapt Your Five-Year Plan for the Imminent Climate Crisis

This might sound difficult, but don’t fret.


Intense Love Affair Blossoming Between Anonymous Ferret and Anonymous Manatee in Shared Google Doc

When Anonymous Ferret added a comment asking whether the hippocampus or the amygdala was more important in the formation of fear conditioning, and the Manatee — a marine mammal known for its high intellect and romantic inclinations — responded, “ur hot."


Sophomore Assures Friends That He’s Cuter in Real Life

She scrolled through his Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Pinterest to find a flattering, non-blurry picture of his face from the past three years to no avail. All she could find were group pictures from his middle school soccer team and blurry Photo Booth selfies with the sepia filter.


Fraternities Defend Ratio Policy: 'We Just Want Our Parties to Pass the Bechdel Test'

IFC Spokesman and Wharton junior Chad Buchanan III explained how fraternities’ concern with gender representation in media prompted their commitment to having their parties pass the Bechdel Test, a set of criteria which requires that two women talk to each other about something other than a man. 


I Love Exploring Philly. Have You Been to Parc?

Basically, what I’m saying is that I know how to appreciate living in Philadelphia. I explore, and sometimes I take pictures since I like to document the neat things I see.


Op-Ed: Do My Roommates Have Terrible Taste in Music or Do I Just Hate Them

Picture this: I’m sitting in my room and I hear music through the wall, coming from the shared living space in this house. I wouldn’t describe the music as pleasant. In fact, it was absolutely heinous. Usually, I’m a pretty considerate roommate. Low maintenance. Chill. But if I have to listen to this playlist for another second of my life, I’m going to fucking lose it.


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