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Considerate Classmate Chews Crunchy Food ~V e r y ~S l o w l y


Photo by Eleanor Stalick / The Daily Pennsylvanian

It was a normal Wednesday morning in bio lecture when Jessica Bowen (C '21) pulled out her ziplock bag of baby carrots. To avoid interrupting the professor's thrilling hour and a half-long lecture on recombinant DNA, Jessica slid her thumbnail along the plastic seam of the bag. Slowly but surely, she reached her pointer and middle in, pulled out a small, polite looking carrot, and raised it to her outstretched teeth.

“Ccc...rrr……... ONCH.” Oh God. Jessica froze. She looked around, the nib of carrot resting on her tongue. Could her classmates hear her? Had they noticed her shame? When the noise had settled a bit, she began to chew once more.

“CRoM………. CrM...” She waited.

“Crch crm…... crmcrmcrmcrm……………...GoLp.” Success! An entire half-centimeter of baby carrot down and her classmates were none the wiser. Only approximately 11 baby carrots and a nature valley bar to go. 

UTB affiliates were able to interview one of Jessica's classmates after class. “We could definitely hear her chewing,” said Ibrar Booker. "It was just like… a little more uncomfortable than normal? It took her literally the entire hour and a half to finish like one cup of food. The noise was still really annoying, but I didn’t mind too much, knowing that she was eating her fucking baby carrots with a side of shame.”