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A Conversation With the Rando Your Mutual Friend Just Dropped on You


Photo by Simon Oros / The Daily Pennsylvanian

It's only been ten seconds since your closest pal Cynthia went to the bathroom and abandoned you with her other friend, yet it feels like three millennia at least. You think his name is Jeff, but who could be sure? It’d be so awkward to ask now. Quick, it’s been silent for too long. Say something! 

"It was so nice to finally meet you! Cynthia always mentions great things." 

"Oh... that’s cool." 

Welp, now what? He just annihilated any hope for this conversation. He basically grabbed a shovel and buried it in the backyard. I guess I'll check my phone even though I already know I don't have any notifications. Here's the plan: I'll open up notes, furrow my brows reading some of the incoherent shit I've written in the past, and successfully look all busy and mysterious. That should ease the tension until Cynthia gets back…

…Ok that worked for a little, but now we’ve had ten straight minutes of complete silence. At this point, it's clear this is not just a quick pee. Her ETA can be anywhere from another five to fifteen minutes depending on what Hill served yesterday. I'm kinda screwed. I might as well grab that shovel and go in for one more attempt at conversation.

"I'm so hungry!"


Riveting! Ok, maybe if I ask him a question that’ll lube up the gears of this conversation steam engine. 

"So what do you study?" 

"Oh, I'm undecided."

Does he just fucking hate me? Like I don't understand what his agenda here is. Maybe if I can get this window open maybe I can just sneak out thro- 

"Sorry for the wait guys!" Cynthia yells as she runs back towards us. 

Oh thank god. I thought I was going to have to ask him where he lives on campus.