Top 10 Facemasks to Protect Against STDs
Photo by Yuxuan Wang / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
February 9, 2020 at 11:44 pm
College life is when we are most susceptible to STDs. Here are some UTB approved ways to protect yourself against any sexual disease.
10. CVS Surgical Mask
Cheap, simple, and accessible. It’ll do the job, but you won’t get any points for style. People won’t interact with you because they’ll think you have coronavirus.
9. 3M Dual Cartridge Respirator Assembly 3M 07193, Large
STDs will never get to you with this one. It’ll protect you even in long make-out sessions, especially if you’re making out with an open bucket of paint thinner.
8. Uninstall League of Legends
You'll be saving yourself from STDs and cancer. As a replacement, maybe try Minecraft. With Minecraft, people might actually be attracted to you.
7. Pink Morph Suit
6. Zodiac Airplane Overhead Oxygen Mask
In a case of sudden decompression in the cabin, this mask will keep you supplied with oxygen and prevent you from catching STDs. Please put your mask on before helping others with their masks. The mask is working even if the bag does not inflate.
5. Donald Trump latex mask
With this on, you’ll never catch a STD because when you do, you can pay them to go away. Bing bing bong bong.
4. YESWELDER Welding Mask
When sparks fly and things get hot, your face, and especially your eyes, will be protected from all things unholy. You won’t be able to see anything, but you'll be 100% safe from STDs.
3. 18" US Navy Scuba Diving Nautical Helmet
This 20 pound steel sphere on your head will protect you even when you’re doing it in the Jacuzzi or the darkest depths of the Marianas Trench.
2. Hockey Goalie Mask
Even if you are smacked with half a pound of STDs at 105 miles per hour, this mask will keep your teeth and dignity intact.
1. Your Face
Look in the mirror. Look at your face. You’ll never even get to the S part. Not with that face. You’re never going to get a STD.