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Local 14 Year Old Feels Validated Knowing God Also Plays Pandemic 2


Photo by Jinzeiu / CC BY 2.0

The recent outbreak of COVID-19 or “coronavirus” has led many to ask, “What the hell, God?” Jared Richie, Fortnite master and UTB’s resident 14-year-old boy, has no such questions.

“First of all, God doesn’t exist,” said Richie, proud of himself for having original thoughts. “Second of all, if they did exist, then I know I was created in their likeness. I play Pandemic 2, and so does God. It makes perfect sense.”

For those unaware, Pandemic 2 is a strategy flash game released in 2008 by CrazyMonkeyGames.com in which the player crafts their own disease and attempts to "overcome" humanity. The game has 16 million plays and its user approval rating is 98%. Said Richie, “Of course God plays Pandemic 2. He basically crafted it himself.”

UTB was unable to ask further questions of Richie, as it was time for his mom to drive him to confirmation class. Unfortunately, God has yet to comment on this issue. We expect they will be available for comment after their current game is over.