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Help! Wendell Pritchett Just Broke Into My Apartment and Started Boxing Up My Stuff


Photos (with edits) by Audrey Tirtaguna / The Daily Pennsylvanian and Flickr // CC BY-SA 2.0 

Help! I just came back from an awesome Spring Break trip in Barcelona with the boys and was shocked to find Wendell Pritchett lumbering through my living room with 3 rolls of duct tape and countless UPS boxes. He refused to tell me how he even entered my apartment and just told me that I need to "get the fuck out of here right now."

Pritchett kindly informed me that he paid my landlord $10,000 to let him into my apartment, and started evicting me immediately. Weirdly enough, he also flew my parents down here to help him move my stuff. "Honestly dude, I couldn't give a shit if you have coronavirus," he noted. "As long as you get tested at least 100 miles away from Penn, it's not my problem."

I haven't been this shocked and disappointed since the last "University Communications" email that I received. Now that my living room is filled with boxes and all my roommates are beyond confused, I guess I have no choice but to fly back to my hometown of Milan, Italy. Thanks, Penn for taking such rapid action in this crisis! See you all at Commencement!