White Man’s Burden! Tommy Just Got a Podcast
March 31, 2020 at 12:10 pm
College senior Tommy Anderson just got a podcast, and you’re gonna fucking listen to it. Following the lead of all of his other white male friends, Tommy bought a couple Roland microphones, turning his normally filthy apartment into a state-of-the-art DIY podcasting studio.
Like his great-grandpappy before him who saw it as his mission to ‘civilize’ the non-European world through American imperial conquest, Tommy believes it his mission to start a bi-weekly podcast with his friend Landis.
“Landis and I love talking and all our friends love talking to us,” Tommy told UTB. “Whenever we’re hanging out together, we’re always the loudest in the room. We always talk the most in any group — especially if we’re talking to girls.”
To this point, the duo’s podcast has no name, theme, segments, sponsors, or hook (and they’re not taking suggestions), but Tommy and Landis are positive listeners will tune in. “Two hours of unfiltered, raw conversation,” exclaimed Landis. “It’s just like we’re chumming it up with the boys, but we record it and let the people in on our crazy, wacky lives.”
Tommy and Landis already have a couple of stories they plan on telling on their podcast. “Remember that time you went to Pottruck absolutely wasted and got kicked out by security, but then you had your dad call the school to get that bitch-ass security guard absolutely fired?” Landis said to Tommy.
Tommy and Landis then went on for thirty minutes retelling stories unironically about using their parents’ influence to get journeymen employees of the school fired, before our reporter had to cut the interview short. From the looks of it though, this duo is going places.