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BREAKING: Penn Announces That I'll Be Living in a Literal Dumpster


Photo (with edits) by Darrion Chen / The Daily Pennsylvanian

After weeks of anticipation, Penn Residential Services finally announced housing assignments! I opened Campus Express this morning eager to see where I was located and if I would be with my friends. Imagine my surprise when "Dumpster #1 near Gregory College House" was listed.

The first thing I had to do was call my friends and compare housing. All of them had been assigned rooms in actual dorms. Honestly, I felt kinda bad for them. They were going on and on about how "I have a kitchen now" and I didn't have the heart to point out that living in a dumpster is like living with an all you can eat buffet. If I want food, I can get a gnawed pizza crust at any time.

My friends were a little concerned that due to University regulations they wouldn't ever be able to see each other or their other friends. This is further evidence that I hit the housing jackpot. My room is located at a central hub, so I'll be seeing my friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers every time they come to throw something out. In fact, I'm a little worried that my room will be too rowdy and that I won't be able to get enough sleep with all the visitors.

The one thing I am concerned about is keeping the place clean. It's a bit of a smaller room than I'm used to and I'm definitely not a light packer. It's going to be tough to find a space for my manga collections and all of my clothes. Regardless, I'm sure I'll manage. Some of my friends have rooms meant for two all to themselves and I pity them. My stuff wouldn't be able to fill out the room.

Unsurprisingly, I have already confirmed my housing assignment. I can't wait to move in and meet whoever is in Dumpster #2 (if you know hmu)! For the first time, I feel like Penn really knows me and has taken the time to put me in a place where I belong.