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Travelocity Fires Gnome Leaving Him No Way to Pay for His Drug Addiction.


Photos by ukahbob777 / CC BY 2.0, Umedha Hettigoda / CC BY-SA 2.0, and Find Rehab Centers / CC BY 2.0

The ongoing pandemic has affected people all over the world, but no one seems to have been hit quite as hard as the Travelocity Gnome. Due to intense travel restrictions, Travelocity has been forced to make cutbacks, including laying off their spokesperson, the famous globetrotting garden gnome. 

Although at first glance, he seems to be a jolly little porcelain lawn ornament, he actually has a dark and seedy past. After gaining national recognition for his first commercial in 2004, the naïve gnome followed in the footsteps of many young stars and was chewed up by the Hollywood party lifestyle as he ventured into the world of cocaine and occasionally meth. That’s right, that cute little gnome who walked across the Great Wall in aviator goggles is a hardcore junkie.

Over the last decade, the gnome has had various scandals and run-ins with the law. In 2012, he was arrested for a hit and run after drag racing the Energizer Bunny down Rodeo Drive during a drug-induced stupor, which resulted in the hospitalization of six pedestrians. While still on parole in 2015, he was arrested again during a raid of his estate, which revealed he had been running a trap house. He opened his own trap after being banned from all the local houses for doing too much of their blow.

Up until his firing this past March, Travelocity lawyers worked diligently to keep this information from the press. When asked why they continued working with the gnome after years of reckless conduct, a company spokesperson stated “There’s just no other gnome that could stand in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa and look so damn good. Believe me, we did a nationwide talent search and nothing, absolutely zilch.”

However, since being laid off at the start of the pandemic, the gnome has been struggling to make enough money to keep up his love for nose candy. After a failed attempted robbery of a pawn shop, he was even seen stealing money from a homeless man. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. He was last spotted in his natural habitat, the suburban lawn, huffing miracle grow out of the soil, still chasing his high.