UTB does its part to support our democracy.  

This student is spending his quarantine at the Wii Sports Resort.

At a blistering 36.74 seconds, UTB has just broken the world record for getting blocked by Irresponsible at Penn. 

The ongoing pandemic has affected people all over the world, but no one seems to have been hit quite as hard as the Travelocity Gnome. Due to intense travel restrictions, Travelocity has been forced to make cutbacks, including laying off their spokesperson, the famous globetrotting garden gnome.

The words “Hallelujer!” echoed through the Church belfry as Pastor Smith, Head of Penn’s Christian Association, rejoiced in the news of a socially-distanced fall.

In order to showcase national pride, Penn president, Amy Gutmann, decided to host the first, and potentially last, Annual University of Pennsylvania 4th of July Firework Spectacular Sponsored by Bud Light.

One of my favorite childhood memories was coming home from school, grabbing some pizza rolls, and escaping into the world of joy-riding and abusing prostitutes on the street.

"I thought it would be a nice way for my successor to remember me and to cement my legacy in one of the most permanent ways possible."

Unfortunately, I have yet to meet my lovely Jessica in person. We’ve actually never even spoken. Pretty hot right?

“Prospective students will still get to hear about important traditions like toast throwing and how Greek life isn’t that important to the social scene, but now, it’ll be with puns!”

“Ha! Those Whartonites can’t say I have a useless major now!” 

An advertisement for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Pledges ... please donate today. 

 Joseph Elston talks to the future leaders of Penn's Panhellenic societies.

spooky! 

Joseph Elston goes to West & Down as the Man on the Street. 

"Yo! What's up?"

*scattered applause* 

UTB Sends in their Top-Rated Ghost Finder Team to DRL.

UTB took to Pool Party to investigate why no one swims in the pool.