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Looking Back on 2020: Cats Was an Omen


Photo in the public domain

I finally did it. I watched the cursed Cats 2019 film. And let me tell you, boy was it bad. Disturbing CGI coupled with cringe-worthy lines and seeing a cast of actors and musicians I used to like prance around in skin-tight fursuits was enough to make me tear my eyes out. 

While my first thought was "this is not what T.S. Eliot would have wanted," after more reflection, I was able to piece together some more coherent thoughts with what was left of my fractured brain. In the middle of my third hour of processing the train wreck of a movie that is Cats (and my fifth bowl of comfort lucky charms), I began wondering, why are people surprised by the events of 2020? Like Cats was basically the introduction. And no one said anything?

The thought of millions of people watching this film and not warning the world to stock up on non-perishables and bad paperback novels to sit this year out was perhaps even more appalling than the film itself. As I write this article (now 22 hours after watching Cats), I have no doubt that Cats 2019 was an omen against 2020. I feel that I must attempt to correct the wrong that so many others committed against mankind. 

Listen up! This is no longer a cutesy little satire article. This is life and death. Please, I've seen the tape. Just go home. Order non-perishable food. Curl up with Netflix and cry because my third eye has opened and I now know that Cats was only the beginning and the worst is still yet to come.