Jeremy Shows Patriotism by Hosting Super-Spreader Labor Day Picnic
September 8, 2020 at 3:16 pm
Jeremy was so excited for his annual Labor Day picnic because Labor Day is his favorite holiday. "I keep a countdown of days until Labor Day like most people keep countdowns until Christmas," Jeremy explained. "One pesky little virus isn't going to stop me from enjoying the holiday I love," he continued.
Jeremy is something of a picnic enthusiast and has been planning this year's Labor Day picnic since the end of last year's picnic. When asked to describe his love for picnics, his eyes lit up and he gushed, "I just love seeing all the watermelon and deviled eggs lined up nice on the table. Having conversations with people, hugs, games, it's all too much!"
Despite being told that a massive Labor Day picnic would not be a good idea due to COVID and would go against the CDC warnings, Jeremy insisted that the picnic would meet CDC guidelines and that people would be wearing masks and staying socially distant.
However, once the food was set out, hungry mouths ignored their masks and gobbled down food at a consistent rate for the duration of the seven-hour picnic. They were socially distant until it started to rain, at which point they moved into Jeremy's house. When asked to comment on this choice, Jeremy asked, "What can you do? We can't control the weather, and the party was just getting started. It would have been a shame to send people home so early (4 hours into the picnic)."
Unfortunately, Mrs. Jackson, who lives down the street at #23 has just sent an email to everyone at the picnic saying that she has tested positive for COVID and encouraging others to watch for symptoms and get tested if possible.
Jeremy doesn't see this as putting a damper on his picnic, "I'd say this picnic was a success. In America, we get to hold picnics and celebrate our country. It's my constitutional right. I'm proud of my country and proud of my picnic. I know what you're thinking, but I won't apologize because this picnic was too good to be canceled by some flu. The only thing better than this picnic will be next year's picnic. I've already started planning."