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Brett Kavanaugh Confused, Is He Not "Packing" Enough for the Current Supreme Court?


Photo from Prev news / CC 2.0 

The Supreme Court has been a hot topic lately for the American public. Since the death of  Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, many questions have been asked pertaining to the vacancy… the most important one being who should fill it? Mitch ‘Murder Turtle’ McConnel, despite previous precedent, has pushed through nominee Amy Coney Barrett. In response to this, Democrats have thrown around the idea of “court-packing”. 

The average American may be confused over what ‘packing the courts’ is. And to be honest, this publication is kind of confused too? Like, c’mon, we are trusted journalists, not legal scholars. So, UTB attempted to reach out to those we thought would know the most of this issue: the current Supreme Court Justices. Surprisingly, one did actually respond to our email: Brett Kavanaugh, who only agreed to meet with us if we brought him ‘a keg of natty light’.

When asked about the possibility of court-packing the Supreme Court, Kavanaugh became very puzzled. “Wait. Did you say packing? The court? But I’m on that? I certainly think I am packing enough ‘down there.’” The justice made UTB aware that his nicknames at law school were ‘The Hanging Judge’, ‘The Magistrate with Massive Meatballs’, ‘Colossal Kavanaugh’, and ‘Brett and His Big Gavel’. 

Kavanaugh got angry and when we informed him which party was behind the planned increased packing of the court, saying: “These democrats think they can insult the size of myself and my male conservative colleagues? I mean, sure, Alito and Thomas aren’t the biggest package-wise, but I more than makeup for it.” 

Kavanaugh ended the interview short when he got a call that his old friends PJ and Squee were in town. He finished by saying no liberal justice could ever ‘pack the Supreme Court’ like he currently does. Afterward, we reached out to some of Kavanaugh’s past girlfriends for any comments. In response to Kavanaugh's remarks, their responses were a resounding “eh.”