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Humble God! Rich Student Finds Only Corner of House Not Lined With Greco-Roman Sculptures for Video Call


Photos (with edits) by Pikist / CC0 and GoodFreePhotos / CC0

What a show of humility! Just before switching his laptop camera on for ethics class, Gerald Larue (W ‘22) ran from his bedroom to the only corner of the house not lined with Greek and Roman portraiture.

Sprinting across the marble floors of his four-story, hundred-acre mansion, the junior overcame numerous obstacles and sacrificed plenty in order to spare the feelings of his plebeian classmates.

“I almost ran straight into one of my personal butlers on the way to the ‘Zoom Corner’ as I’ve called it,” Larue recounted, fixing up his $500 haircut with a golden comb. “I was all like — good heavens!”

Larue has leveraged his hard-earned fortune to decorate his personal mansion with only the most splendid of artifacts, all of which his fellow Quakers will likely never get a chance to see, thanks to his diligence.

“Not a single inch is spared, not an inch,” Larue said with a smirk. “Oh, watch where you’re stepping there, my friend! You wouldn’t want to smoosh a clump of Kid Rock’s leg hair, would you?”

Larue’s dedication to upholding a normal, non-bourgeoisie appearance in the virtual classroom has received nothing but praise from his admittedly unworldly peers. Keep up the good work, Gerald!

“I know that dude could probably flex on all of us with Egyptian funerary masks or a shard from the Rosetta Stone if he wanted to,” Kenneth Tucker (C ‘21) said, gazing into the distance. “I’m thankful he respects us enough to only show off his curated collection of fine china from time to time.”