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Canvas: The New Dating App to Meet Old, Married Professors


Photo by the Daily Pennsylvanian

Canvas has been the hallmark of communication between students and professors for years. However, with Stay-at-Home orders and distancing protocols, students have begun to look for social connection anywhere and everywhere. 

The founders of Canvas have taken this time during the pandemic to rebrand the website into a new platform for single students to meet married professors. Meet, flirt, and find your new Sugar Daddy/Baby, all from the comfort of your bedroom. 

Don’t just take it from us. Listen to these REAL success stories!

Testimony #1: Hello! I’m a junior in the College majoring in Vibes with a minor in “something I don’t care about but need for padding my resume.” My story starts with Professor Caby accidentally linking his nudes on Canvas instead of the syllabus. He now pays me $500 a week to not go to the Administration. With that money, I quit my research job working on life saving medicine for kids with smallpox. Thanks Canvas! 

Testimony #2: Hi, my name is Barbara Brettman, but the “b,” “r” and “a” are silent. My relationship with Professor Rodriguez blossomed after he emailed me one day: “Hi Barbara, while I was uploading the recorded lecture through Panopto, I noticed that you were shirtless for the entire duration of the class. It seemed a bit inappropriate as this week’s topic was the Holocaust. While you definitely have perky ones and the norms for class etiquette are a bit nebulous with this new normal, I think that clothing should be a requirement from now on. That being said, I am randomly and accidently including my personal email here: bigcocksmartman@me.com.” So, yeah! Professor Rodriguez and I have been officially Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby for two months now! 

Testimony #3: Hiiiiiiiiiii, KittyKat69SeX411 here! Long time SeekingArrangment user, short time student. I took advantage of the add/drop period, by surfing Canvas pages to find the sad little married fucks in need of some dick tickling. Canvas doesn’t have an encrypted chat function yet (heard that’s coming out in a beta version this Spring), so I commented my OnlyFans and Venmo handle (@mypussybefingerlinkin’good) on every student’s discussion post. Penn ultimately blocked me from the site because they said that I was: “likely a bot and in need of serious help.” I don’t care though, thanks to Canvas I’m now happily married to Professor Adams!  

Give adultery a chance, find your match on Canvas! 

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