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Hot Girls Stay Winning! Meet Tropical Storm Theta


Photo, with edits by Danny Cooper, by NASA Goddard Space Flight Center / CC BY 2.0

The 2020 Atlantic Hurricane season has been one of the most intense on record, with the list of named storms dipping into the Greek alphabet. And the latest storm is one you’re gonna want to know about – meet Tropical Storm Theta! Named for the beloved Penn sorority known for their LGBT friendly attitudes and being both hot and cool (think Dua Lipa or Rina Sawayama), Tropical Storm Theta is wreaking havoc in the East Atlantic. It looks like the storm might just be headed towards Ibiza or Majorca for a night of wild and crazy fun – sounds like a Theta girl to me!

UTB tracked down former Theta girl, College graduate, and LGBT icon Tiffany Trump to get the low down on the tropical storm on everyone’s mind. “It’s so great to see a fellow Theta girl in the news!” said the queen. Tiffany sees a lot of parallels between her and the storm – they both aren’t afraid to stray from the norm. Tiffany champions LGBT rights through song and elegant public speaking – a stark contrast from the aggressive homophobia of her father’s administration. And Tropical Storm Theta is headed towards Europe – an objectively gayer continent.

“We’re not afraid to take a stand – us Theta girls love the gays!” said Tiffany. We at UTB have one thing to say to Tropical Storm Theta – yaaaasss and slay!!!