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Hold up! How Did Wendell Get My Number?


Picture by Julia Ellis and Penn Law

Students were shocked when they received a University COVID update via text on Friday night. Upon checking their phones, students felt conflicted seeing that they had received a text from none other than Provost Wendell Pritchett. While some were honored to be graced with a message from the provost, others felt that a standard University email would have been a sufficient approach.

Soon after the message, murmurs about the school's COVID numbers, blaming fraternities and sororities for the spike in cases spread throughout campus. After much debate, Emmy Hadad, a sophomore English major got to the heart of the matter at hand. "Wait, guys," she dared as her friends prattled while pulling up the school's COVID dashboard, "h-how does Wendell have my number?" 

Immediately, the conversation shifted from the University's COVID policies to this extremely intimate method of communication. Students began to text back "new phone who dis," and various memes. Pritchett did not respond to these texts. 

Gone were the moments that the University's COVID response mattered to the student body. Instead, groups of students huddled together trying to understand the real mystery: how Wendell Pritchett got the phone numbers of the entire student body. 

"I've been trying to get this girl in my STAT class' number for weeks without success," confessed freshman Michael Chen. "Imagine my disappointment when I learned that Wendell had gotten it first." It shouldn't come as a surprise that Wendell Pritchett is smoother than most, but getting the numbers of the entire school truly is a god-given gift. When asked for further comment, Chen responded, "While I'm bummed that Pritchett got her number first, today hasn't been all bad. At least I know we have at least one mutual contact."