Sarah's Roommate Doesn't Do Dishes, Sarah Sends Her to COVID Prison
February 1, 2021 at 12:00 am
It's never easy living with a roommate. That's what sophomore Sarah Goldstein learned upon moving into the high rises with her best friend, Becky. Sarah and Becky get along pretty well, but now that they have a kitchen, Sarah has learned that Becky almost never does the dishes. "It sucks because Becky bakes a lot and never washes any of the dishes," explained Sarah.
Sarah knew something needed to change. She called a suite meeting and told Becky just how frustrated she was. Becky apologized and swore to not do it again. Nevertheless, after her 2 pm English class on Thursday, Sarah came into the kitchen to find a pile of dishes in the sink. Again. "That's it," she thought "I can't live like this anymore."
With trembling hands, she picked up her phone and went to the campus compact non-compliance form. She didn't want to do this to her best friend, but she had to. Not wanting her Penn id linked to the crime, she submitted the form not as a student, but as an "other." She typed in a fake email, name, and phone number, then reported Becky for violating the section of the campus compact reading, "To wash my hands frequently for at least 20 seconds or to use hand sanitizer throughout each day and before and after interactions with others."
"I mean, she NEVER cleans the dishes. This is like the same thing but for hand washing." thought Sarah. Just to be sure the University knew this wasn't a joke, she attached a picture of the dirty dishes in the attachments section.
That afternoon, tensions were high between Sarah and Becky. Despite the strain on their relationship, Sarah did not feel remorse. At around 5:20 pm a knock came at the door. Sarah ran to open it. A swat team equipped with guns asked if Becky was in. Sarah could only nod. They burst into Becky's room and handcuffed her (after giving her a generous amount of hand sanitizer). After saying goodnight to Sarah, they took Becky away and locked her up in COVID Prison, aka Samson West. No one has seen or heard from Becky since. God rest her soul.