Whew! Now Penn Students Don't Have to Pretend to Be Embarrassed By President's Connection to University

Penn students collectively breathe a sigh of relief as the new Biden administration settles into office. Gone are the days of having to sheepishly admit, “Yes Trump technically did graduate from Penn.” Students no longer have to even soften the blow by talking about how Trump cheated his way into being admitted. While many feel as though they only settled for Biden, not having to act embarrassed by a direct connection to the President feels like a win. At this point it almost feels like being actually proud of a Penn alumni might just be too greedy.  

Excitingly, Penn opens up space to be ashamed of its other alumni. From posers like Elon Musk to actual fascists, Penn’s education has been proven to take you far. Everyone at Penn can strive to lose their morals and, in doing so, become one of Penn’s most notable alumni. One of life's many mysteries is whether Penn teaches their students to behave in corrupt ways, or only accepts students without a moral compass. One day maybe you too, reader, will have your name next to Ivanka or Tiffany Trump.