It's Alive! Contemporary Writing House Sprouts Neck Bolts, Rises From Crypt
April 3, 2021 at 1:08 pm
Terrifying! This morning, the Center for Programs in Contemporary Writing sprouted neck bolts as it continued its ascent into the world of the living.
Students and passersby were both shocked and amazed to see two-ton, solid steel nails emerge from the lateral facades of the newly renovated building. Georgi Tenderson (C '22) witnessed lightning bolts rain down from the heavens above, chemically fusing the traditional Tudor-style cottage with its sleek, newly built posterior.
“What an amazing testament to Mary Shelley, my God,” Tenderson remarked, shaking his head. “Wait, she was contemporary, right? Shit.”
This has all been horrifying enough. But unfortunately, it gets worse: Not only does the building look like it was pieced together from a child’s crayon drawing, but it appears to have developed a nasty scar right next to its front porch.
“I wasn’t impressed at first, but after I saw that necrotic, oozing gash, I knew that this was no ordinary building,” Casey Standart (C '23) said with a shudder. “Folks, we are about to have a Monster House situation on our hands real soon.”
Construction continues on the now living architectural monstrosity known as the Contemporary Writing House. Let’s hope they can evacuate the area before its green, undead legs grow in.
“Tradition, modernity … is it all some kind of metaphor? I don’t know,” Standart mused. “All I know is that it’s currently dripping blood all over the pavement.”