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Leaked! Diet Coke Found As the Main Ingredient in COVID Vaccine


Photo by Julia Ellis

Coca Cola has done it again people! The delicious, yet highly addicting brand has leaked that Diet Coke was found to be the main ingredient in all 3 brands of the Covid-19 vaccine. While many have raised concerns in the past about the dangers of soda and the aspartame in Diet Coke, finally it feels good to tell them to suck my fucking cock. 

I drank Diet Coke everyday in this goddamn pandemic and I didn’t catch Covid. My friends told me I was addicted and that “Diet coke causes cancer.” But it turns out that Diet Coke kept me safe and now is the main ingredient running in your bloodstream keeping the Covid cooties away. Millions are injecting Diet Coke as we speak. 

The science behind it is in the acidic nature of Coke. Diet Coke, which supposedly can dissolve your enamel and significant parts of small animal bones, enters the bloodstream and dissolves the Covid. Does this come with any long term side effects you should be worried about? No, just don’t think that hard about it.