Branding Shift! New Penn Bookstore Promotion Advertises 2-For-1 Colostomy Bag Deal
June 30, 2021 at 12:33 pm
In a surprising change of pace, Penn Bookstore has announced a new promotion: two colostomy bags for the price of one colostomy bag!
Typically, Penn Bookstore promotions comprise of "Up To 50% Off ALL Clearance Items!" or "Free Shipping On ALL Orders Over $700!"
But this new promotion appears to satisfy a need that not many were particularly worried about.
"Yeah, I can't say that this deal does me much good," Engineering sophomore Greg Costanza explained. "And also, why would this deal be good for someone who needs one of those? Is it for people who want a spare colostomy bag? Are they getting them for a friend who also has rectal problems? I don't get the strategy behind it."
In an email to its patrons, the Penn Bookstore admitted that the reason for this promotion is that "as in-person classes begin, more adult auditors will be on-campus, thus increasing the campus-wide need for colostomy bags."
Notably, the Penn Bookstore's colostomy bags are just regular colostomy bags, with no Penn branding.
"Just colostomy bags. If people have a problem with that, then they can get their textbooks along with their colostomy bags elsewhere," store manager Jessica Benes said.
So, get to the Penn Bookstore today! This shit is the deal of the century.