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Change Up! Dad Who Usually Complains About Never Seeing Kids Now Wants Kids Permanently Out of House


Photos in the Public Domain

In a new and noteworthy change up, Boston Dad, Frank Jackson (W '89), has announced he wants his kids, Sophie and Jackson Jackson (C '22, C '23) "permanently out of the house" in a press report on Friday. This announcement came as a shock to everyone since Frank has been known to frequently complain that "he never sees his kids anymore." 

"I don't know what happened, but those kids are little monsters," said Mr. Jackson in an interview, "now I understand what that phrase 'too much of a good thing' means." So when Sophie and Jackson moved home last March, Frank was thrilled, claiming, "I've got all my babies under one roof again. God has given me the chance to make up for lost time." 

Over a year later, Frank wishes the "one roof" were a bit bigger and has given up faith in God, asserting, "no god would put a generally good guy like me through hell like this." Once common high school disputes about bathroom times, use of the television, and general personal hygiene have returned in full force, causing Frank to wish he had never had children in the first place. The conflicts have gotten so intense that Frank now carries around his trusty Remington 700 in case he has to fire warning shots.

"That goddamn school better be open in full this fall," panted Frank, looking worse-for-wear, with his once well-groomed black hair now knotted and grey. "'Cause I can't take much more of this," he gestured to the house with his gun, "before I have to do more than just fire warning shots." 

Under the Button wishes Mr. Jackson the best of luck during these long and harrowing two months before early move-in. Stay strong. We believe in you.