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Wow! Mediocre Man Emotionally Unavailable

Photo by Yoni Perla

This average white man just explained to you how he cannot date you because he’s “not in the headspace right now.” How astounding! 

Will Murphy (E’23) comes from an Irish Catholic family in Long Island. He has an average physique and a peculiarly forgettable face. He studies Economics in the College. He is either in SAE or DKE. He loves beer and hanging out with the bros. 

You and Murphy have been variously involved for three months now. You had a massive crush on him, and you guys slept together the second time you saw each other. He then proceeded to ghost you for two weeks and only snapped you when he wanted to fuck. You loved him. He averaged around 50 hours before he texted you back each time. You did not once experience orgasm during sex with him. What a king!

Last Saturday, after sex, you broached the topic of defining the relationship. Murphy looked up from his phone and looked at you incredulously. How adorable, how unsuspecting!

“Oh…” he began after a long silence. Man in contemplation, just what I like to see!

You looked at him expectantly.

“Ah, ya know… I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.” 

Seeing that you’re about to cry, Murphy added: “Sorry, bro. I think it’d be good to keep it casual. I don’t think I have the emotional availability. If it helps, you have, like, a really nice ass. For what it’s worth.” What a save! This man complimented your ass while rejecting you!

You will continue to be involved with him for the next year, and you will yearn for him all summer. Isn’t that amazing?