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Ad: 8 Ways to Exercise Your Freedoms this 4th of July, Brought to You by HBO Max


Whether it's barbecuing, swimming at the beach, or just throwing a frisbee around with Pop-Pop, the Fourth of July is a great holiday to spend with friends and family. However, it's essential to remember that this holiday is brought to us by the men and women who bravely fought to protect our country. Here are 8 Ways to exercise your freedoms this 4th, brought to you by HBO Max.

1. Feed Grapes to Your Dog

Grapes are a delicious snack, and men and women died for your dog's freedom to enjoy them. Ignore the fact that your dog never fought for our country, and as a Portuguese Water Dog, it's not even American.

2. Drown Your Neighbor

Your neighbor has a BLM flag, which means they're cop haters. According to the Constitution, everyone in America deserves to express their opinion except for those that are anti-cop (this rule is in the second amendment). So take matters into your own hands by drowning them!

3. Assassinate Former United States Secretary of Health and Human Services, Donna Shalala

Need we say more?

4. Cream Your Jeans

It might be gross, but your grandpa fought and died on the beaches of Normandy so that you could cream your jeans. What would he say to you now if he saw your jeans un-creamed? 

5. Direct an Incest Porno

It's not not illegal. Find your mom and your brother, lock them in a room until they bang, upload to the internet, and presto, you've got the most viewed video on incest-porn.com. Just like the founding fathers would have wanted.

6. Commit War Crimes

Geneva Codes? More like Geneva Chodes! Bomb a hospital! Take foreigners hostage! The world is your oyster, baby.

7. Join the KKK

Some call it a terrorist organization, but your Uncle Johnny was in it, and he made great brownies. Terrorists don't make brownies. As an American, it's your right to be in a hate group!

8. Subscribe to HBO Max 

There's something for everyone on HBO Max with old classics like Friends and Sex and the City and new titles like In The Heights and Mare of Easttown. Subscribe today at only $14.99 per month!