Celebrate Dad by Recreating That BBQ Shown During the Side Effects of Every Medication Ad
Photo by Ivo Jansch / CC BY-SA 2.0
June 15, 2021 at 9:10 am
Father's Day is coming up, and I'm willing to bet you haven't thought of what to get your Dad yet. Fortunately, there's still time to string together the one thing that Dad has been hoping for: that idealized fantasy picnic shown during the side effects of every medication ad.
To pull this off, you'll need:
- A large grill
- A wide variety of meat that's likely horse
- An apron reading "kiss the chef" or another slogan demanding you to do something to your Dad that you'd otherwise rather avoid
- A large group of neighbors (primarily white with a sprinkle of diversity)
- A speaker system
- Approximately 3.5 children
- Several packs of beer that taste like piss
- At least one dog
On Father's Day, bring the acquired supplies and prepare the scene. Set Dad up at the grill and crack open a cold one for him. Just when he's getting the grill going, turn on the speaker, allowing medical jargon to fill the backyard. Then, cue your mom to bring him a tray of hamburger buns and a side-hug. Remind your mom to smile when "Side effects include nausea, vomiting, internal bleeding, depression, suffocation, and death" plays on the speaker.
When the burgers are done, make sure to grab them and start eating eagerly. You are working on a tight schedule, but you can do it. This is for Dad, remember? Laugh hard, showing Dad how much you love the burger, and be sure to share a meaningful look with him. After the meal, don't clean up, but instead, start the after-food water fight. Remember what you learned in middle school theater: SMILE! After a successful 2.5 to 3 minutes total (grilling, eating, and water fight), you can be done until next year.
Dad is sure to thank you for creating such a special Father's Day surprise. And if you can get the creepy next-door neighbor to film it (they're always looking over at your house anyway), Dad can relive these precious moments for the rest of his life, making it the gift that keeps on giving. So make sure to start organizing now so that you can give Dad 3 minutes to remember!