Student Unfortunately Cannot Locate G-Spot West

Supposedly on the corner of 40th and Walnut, Penn’s state-of-the-art, $169.5 million dorm building should have been no problem to find. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. But after five days of google mapping (and a bit of soul searching), Tyler Stewart has been unsuccessful in locating the recently built G-Spot West. 

“I think it’s a myth,” mused the Wharton junior as he wandered down Locust, “It probably doesn’t exist and this map that my girlfriend gave me is also probably bogus.” 

Aptly named after Penn’s eighth president and soon to be US ambassador to Germany, Gutmann-Spot West is the newest residential building that has many students (including Tyler’s girlfriend) raving over it’s café, meditation room, and other lavishly furnished common areas. 

Unfortunately, Tyler’s inability to follow directions prevents him from experiencing the spectacular sensation felt by every resident who sets foot in the building. The junior, however, is not alone in the futile search for the coveted G-Spot. 

A number of (seemingly all male) students have come to a consensus that there is, in fact, not a new dorm on campus. Or, at least, it is so incredibly well hidden that it would take months of searching to locate it. Which, as expressed by many, is not worth their time.

“If it is real,” Tyler glumly considered, “I hope that at least one of us gets to see it in person. It sounds too good to be true, but maybe, just maybe there’s hope that something as beautiful as G-Spot West exists.”