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Greek Lady and Yiro Yiro Call Upon Zeus and Poseidon in Battle for Gyro Supremacy


After years spent dueling back and forth over gyro quality, Greek Lady and Yiro Yiro have decided to go at it the old-fashioned way, bringing in their forefathers, Zeus and Poseidon.

In the early ‘80s, both places just served pita bread on a plate. Then, Greek Lady added chicken and lamb, and Yiro Yiro had no choice but to retaliate by adding the same two items. Back and forth they went. Yiro Yiro would introduce lettuce and tomatoes, Greek Lady would introduce lettuce and tomatoes. Greek Lady would add a weird sauce that you can’t quite place what it is, and Yiro Yiro would do the same. Over the decades, they continued along this path, until one day recently, Greek Lady realized they could only add so much stuff to their gyro. They needed to bring in some outside help.

So they called upon the guy with the lightning, Zeus (I think that’s what he does, I’m failing Ancient Greece at the moment), and told him that Yiro Yiro must be handled in the way they used to do it back when gyros were made out of woolly mammoth meat. This meant hourly lightning strikes on Yiro Yiro’s TV setup where there’s usually like a high school football game on or something, and an implant of little lightning bolts into people’s onions so that when they bite into them, they’d get an electric shock in their mouth.

When Yiro Yiro heard of this, they were infuriated and called upon Zeus’s enemy (?) Poseidon, who has the power of water (or fire maybe; seriously, if someone’s an Ancient Greece tutor, please DM me, this class is gonna destroy my GPA). Poseidon had the power to make every Greek Lady gyro just over the correct amount of moistness, which ruined each meal.

The two sides went on like this for weeks, until eventually, both businesses were about to go under. At which point, Greek Lady and Yiro Yiro settled their differences, and agreed that they should pool their resources to take down the assholes that are actually tearing down their businesses, &pizza and sweetgreen.