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BREAKING: The Worst Person You Know Responded “Maybe” to Facebook Event

Photo by Liwa Sun

Huge! You listlessly opened Facebook in your browser during class and voila, you have been invited to an event. A guy you psychosexually entangled with two semesters ago has invited you to his frat’s downtown. This is ginormous for you. You feel coveted. You are relevant. Your presence is requested. You shall be seen. 

Before you RSVP to the event, you do a customary inspection on the guest list. 147 going, 2 maybe, and 554 invited. Ok. 10 of your friends are going. Good. You then click to the maybes, and boom! The worst person you know has responded “maybe” to this event. You become possessed by doom and fear and anxiety. Maybe this person will show up to this event, one that minutes ago was tinged with titillation and potential but now filled with fetidness. 

Since this person’s RSVP, the fraternity that is throwing the downtown as well as the mass that will be in attendance have been awaiting the final decision as to whether he will deign to grace the venue in bated breath. Will he or won’t he? It’s truly a Schrodinger’s downtown.