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Professor Amy Wax Responds to Sanctions by Casting 1,000 Year Curse Upon University


Edit by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Photos from Wikimedia / CC0, Pixabay / CC0

Amy Wax, Penn Law professor and youngest of the three Weird Sisters, has a history of controversy surrounding some of her public comments. Most recently Wax has claimed that the United States would be “better off with fewer Asians,” although she noticeably ignored the fact that Penn Law has claimed the school would be better off with fewer arthritic racists.

While Wax specializes in advocating for a return to the white supremacist values that this great country was founded upon, she doesn’t stop there: she also enjoys bitching about feminism, spitting on babies, and dodging animal abuse accusations for using eye of frog and toe of newt in various potions. 

Because of Wax’s position as a tenured professor, Penn Law is unable to comply with popular calls to banish her with a bucket of water or potentially a house dropped by a tornado. In lieu of those options, the school has decided to begin the sanctions process against her. 

“After numerous complaints about her offensive comments, we’ve finally decided that maybe having her around is a bad look,” said a Penn Law Dean. “We’ve been giving her warnings for years about displaying her ‘decorative’ KKK Grand Wizard regalia in her office, but this most recent stuff has pushed it over the edge.” 

After the decision was publicized, Wax could be seen flying above the Law School skywriting various curses and “SURRENDER SHEEPLE” in black smoke. Confused witnesses reported hearing her shout the following:

“I curse this wretched institution with the worst affliction I can imagine: Diversity! Diversity for 1,000 years! This blighted university will be brimming with women and brown people for generations!” The tirade was finished by maniacal laughter before she donned a red baseball cap and flew off. 

While Wax may end up losing her position as Supreme of the Penn Law Coven, she does have a bright future as a guest on Tucker Carlson Tonight, and is excited to join Donald Trump on the list of people that the University pretends don’t exist.