Self-Efficacy! CAPS Told Me To “Apply Myself”

Hey! I know everyone’s super duper stressed out with finals and everything, so let me save you a trip to CAPS.

I had been feeling a little bit overwhelmed myself this past week which is soooooooo abnormal for me, so I finally decided to pick up the phone and call CAPS—boy am I glad I did! I told them what my issue was, they sighed, put me on hold, and played some calm, relaxing Tetris music. I'll admit, it was pretty effective, but I was still preparing to bare my soul.

Suddenly, the operator picked back up and said, “Hang on, have you tried applying yourself?”

Eureka! I was set—they didn’t even have to put me through to the therapist!

“Ohhhhhh my god, is that what I’m supposed to be doing?” I thought. That idea had literally never passed through my vapid little brain, so I’m really excited to try it out on my two presentations, six reflections, three final papers, and four exams due this coming week.

I mean, it’s no wonder so many Penn students are depressed—we’re just not trying as hard as everyone else is. Fear not! Once this testimonial makes its way around campus, all of our so-called “problems” will disappear.

What more can I say? You just have to lift yourself up by your own bootstraps sometimes—a method that has had critically acclaimed success in every disadvantaged group that’s attempted it.

Happy Finals! <3