“He Is JP Morgan” and 7 Other Lies to Tell About What Your Dad Does
November 8, 2022 at 10:50 am
We’ve all been there. You’re talking to the kid whose net worth rivals a member of the Bahraini royal family (in certain cases, they may be a member of said family — we’ll cover that next). Meanwhile you were raised poor, in a 2,500 square foot suburban home in California.
The conversation turns to what your father does for a living. Shit. How can you best hide your family’s crippling mediocrity? You can’t let them find out he’s an HR director.
Take a deep breath. You’ll be fine.
Try one of these seven easy lies about your dad's profession to leave this exchange with your honor unscathed.
(1) Does bank stuff
(3) Operating Thetan VIII in the Church of Scientology
(4) U.S. Secretary of Agriculture, Tom Vilsack
(5) Indie pop sensation
(7) Wanted fine art thief
And look at that — with one of these simple fibs you made a new friend, scaled Penn’s social ladder, and are now one degree of separation from the heir to the Funyuns fortune. Not bad, right?