And look at that — you made a new friend, scaled Penn’s social ladder, and are now one degree of separation from the heir to the Funyuns fortune. Not bad, right?
“Who gives a fuck?” responded one West Philly resident interviewed by UTB. Future investigative work will be needed to determine why West Philly is so ungrateful.
Schmitt founded the Treble Cough acapella group to do just that: amplify the sounds of Penn’s most prolific disruptive coughers.
More advanced features from Google rumored for the near future include the ability to upload your ex’s class schedule into the app for Google’s AI to predict where they might be walking — and to direct you away.
In an official statement, Magill responded to critics: “To our activists of color, I hear you. I am listening. Next time, I will try and listen a little more closely, though — I think I know what PILOTs are now.”