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Depressed Today? You Forgot To Eat a Little Something Something


Girls will freak out and say, “Oh no! I forgot to take my Wellbutrin.” Similarly, “Fuckkkkk, my Prozac.” Others may say, “Did somebody sell my Ozempic?” But what you never hear these medicated girls say is, “It’s time to eat a little Something Something!”

Time and time again, women think that they need their daily medicinal intake, but you’d be surprised how many problems can be solved with a Burger King chicken sandwich (see BEEF). I promise your grandma will come back to life, your GPA will rise by a full 1.0, and your friends will take you back if you just eat a Burger King chicken sandwich or another similar, Something Something every single day. 

The something something famine is real, but depression is not. Spread the word now! Your girlfriend is crying and saying you cheated on her? Give her the nearest hoagie in sight. Your TA looks sad? Swipe her into Commons! Just don’t feed strangers, that’s bad, unconscionable even. 

Even if you don’t have anything on you, a little Something Something gesture is always appreciated. I promise anyone would LOVE to be asked if they need to eat a little Something Something. Try it! Before you even consider taking the Wellbutrin that’s been prescribed for your daily intake, consider first eating a little Something Something.